Good day, Brothers and Sisters,
It is 6:30 a.m. I am sitting on my balcony, wrapped in blankets. It is three degrees Celcius this beautiful, bright autumn. Many of you are on your way to work, I am contemplating the many shades of pink ribbons my neighbors are wearing this Pink October.
Since 1993, October has been designated as Breast Cancer Awareness Month around the globe, with pink as the chosen colour to symbolize it.
As a five-time cancer survivor, for me it is personal. I am relieved that YOU are aware that the only condition to develop breast cancer is to have breasts and all of us have that. Women and men.
It is great to see how many poems, songs and events are prepared for October: concerts, speeches, dances, walkathons and more during this month of encouragement but the success of any such event around the world cannot be judged by how nice the gathering is or how pink our clothes are. Our real success will be achieved if we UNDERSTAND the real message.
What will happen after all those ENCOURAGING activities end?
Will we feel encouraged to love ourselves enough and make time to examine our breasts, and our entire body and try to notice any changes? Will we feel encouraged enough to take our nutrition seriously and make walks part of our routine? Will we encourage one another to live positively? To uplift each other? The success of these activities will be achieved by your efforts to do all possible to prevent ANY HEALTH CONDITION, INCLUDING BREAST CANCER.
I needed to be present today because the many messages this October go beyond the prettiness of the color pink. Breast cancer, CANCER in general, is not a simple or a pretty story. Do not get distracted! There is no beauty in waiting at the doctor’s office after cancer has been suspected, there is no beauty in the way our body or soul feels after the debilitating treatments that MANY cannot even afford in most countries. Cancer does not discriminate. The emotional impact that it causes on richer or poorer, Ukrainians or Russians, blacks or whites is indescribable.
There is no pretty pink in this condition that I know too well after being challenged five times by it, in addition to three life-threatening complications.
I am here with you after so many physical and spiritual challenges. The loss of some fingernails, toenails, teeth, and hair, difficulty walking due to dizziness, pain touching even water some days, accidents with diarrhea in the street, and difficulty concentrating (my hobby is reading, and learning new things). This ongoing experience has challenged my patience but I will endure. Nothing is bigger than my FAITH, my hope for more days with my children, my family, and YOU, my extended family.
I noticed a lump during a self-breast examination in November of 2012. It was confirmed as cancer after a mammogram and biopsy. I am a gynecologist, with more than 20 years of experience. My profession did not matter. Cancer does not discriminate. My children were only six and eight years old. I had surgery to completely remove my left breast and lymphatic nodes in that area and later removed my ovaries and uterus due to excessive bleeding as a side effect of one of the treatments. Removed my gallbladder. Repaired a bladder prolapse due to urinary incontinence. From 2012 to 2018, I was prescribed eight months of two types of IV chemotherapies, then 25 radiotherapies followed by six months of oral chemotherapy and daily hormonal therapy. I survived pulmonary edema after a co-infection of malaria in 2017. After a recurrence in 2018, I had monthly injections and three hormonal tablets daily.
Since then, the condition remained pretty stable but is now active again. In the past six months, I have done a brain radiotherapy and six immuno/radiotherapies. Two weeks ago I started with oral chemotherapy. My next control will be in three months. The side effects are different each day. But I am LIVING. I am dancing. I am studying, I am hugging and loving, and enjoying cold days or warm ones.
There are days when I feel down, maybe because of the side effects of the treatment or because as a doctor I understand my current condition.
But I write to you to remind you as I remind myself every day, that we are the ones who decide how we will live each day and I decide to have the hope of going back to work soon and continue to contribute to the profession that I love very much. I decided to calm down and enjoy God’s amazing creation. It is possible to feel lucky even as a five-time survivor. I am thankful to God, to the universe, for the many blessings in my life.
Life is so beautiful. Only God holds our future and I believe! I believe in the power of LOVE to heal. Thank you. Your positive thoughts, messages, calls, visits, food, and prayers sustain me in my scary moments. I need your prayers. I pray for you.
Life is unpredictable, short for some, long for some.
My beautiful neighbour, friend and colleague, Matron Senica Dias are no longer with us. My children grew up passing her house every day, looking at her extremely tidy white uniform with respect, and even more seeing her ALWAYS at Alexandra Hospital on the island of Nevis. She was the epitome of service, always with a lovely smile and bedside manners. We planned activities together, we suffered together along with our patients and their families. She held my hand during my many interventions there. Matron Senica, I imagine you now with the angels – indeed, you have been wearing angel garments for a long time.
An uncle who was a father figure for me all my life passed away some weeks ago in my country, Peru after a fierce battle with cancer. He “saw me”, listened to me and believed in my dreams to become a specialist when not even I believed it could be possible. He lent me a helping hand and treated me with respect, even when I was a child. You will be forever in my heart dear uncle.
The sudden passing of Mamma Mary in England (Lea Parris’s mother, founder of Pink Lily Cancer Care) shocked me. She lost her daughter Lea four years ago. She was also a survivor but had never had a recurrence since her first diagnosis in 2007. We would talk for hours, sharing emotions. She was such a selfless, loving mother. Be free of suffering with our Lord, Mamma Mary. Your daughters Tracy and Olivia have our love and support.
Today, I come to disturb your calmness in a loving way, to remind you not to get distracted by the prettiness of pink. There is nothing pretty in this condition. I come because the real message is: LOVE YOURSELF ENOUGH! FIND TIME TO ENJOY EACH DAY OF YOUR PHYSICAL AND MENTAL HEALTH. TRY YOUR VERY BEST TO NEVER CROSS THE BREACH.
Please, let’s be silent for one minute. Let’s silently feel our togetherness and love. Let’s silently pray for so many in our community and the world facing this challenging condition. Some decide to share their journey for others to know that even in spite of metastatic cancer, it is possible to feel happy. Some endure the condition bravely, quietly and that is also OK. There is still a lot of stigma around cancer…but Cancer does not define who we are. We decide how to live our days. Let´s live with hope and faith in better days.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE. We are here for you!!!
Dr. Jessica Bardales
A blessed five-time survivor.